Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
