Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
