I wish I could punch you in the face.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
