We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Randomize
