we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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