my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
