Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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