you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
