I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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