I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize