He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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