Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
