I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
