he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
