Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
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