i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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