I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
