Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
