i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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