their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
