I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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