i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
