I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
