Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
