possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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