so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
