What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
