If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
