If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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