The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
