I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
