I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
