i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
