Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
