he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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