it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Floor bacon is actually really good
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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