Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
