i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
