these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
