Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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