I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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