either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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