Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
