butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
