why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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