Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
