Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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