i'm lost and i look like a hooker
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
