would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
