so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
the liver wants what the liver wants
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
