And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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