Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
