Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
