your room smells of hookers.
And success
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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