Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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