if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
