I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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