Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
