im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
