would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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