This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
