i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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