Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just invented taco cereal.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
