whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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