Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
