Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
