I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
soo... how was my night?
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