'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize