SEEEEXXX PLEASE
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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