I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
