I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
