He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
