My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
