he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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