I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
