i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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